作者岸見一郎在《被討厭的勇氣》的後記中，提到他第一次參加阿德勒心理講座時， 聽到台上的講師說「今天在場聽過我這番話的人，從這瞬間開始就能變得幸福」時，他有極大的反感。
如果我是在看這本書前就先看到這句話，可能也會這麼想。不過西恩是在看完《被討厭的勇氣》後，才看到這段話，細想似乎是有這麼點道理。
這本書有五個章節，分別是「否定心理創傷」、「所有的煩惱都來自於人際關係」、「割捨別人的課題」、「世界的中心在哪裡」與「認真活在當下」。
怎樣得到幸福?
雖然「認真活在當下」是最後一個章節，西恩卻認為它是屬於「戰略層級」的心法。書中提到，所謂的「幸福」，就是能為共同體貢獻自己，不論我們的能力強弱，活在這世界上，就必定會有參與的共同體，家庭、工作、社會等，只要能為這個共同體有所貢獻，就能得到幸福。
很多人可能會認為，一定要有錢才能夠幸福。其實不然，很多有錢人還是繼續在「工作」，為的是為他的共同體繼續貢獻。
又如果一個爸爸帶著小孩去公園玩，卻一直滑手機，其實就忽略了眼前跟小孩共處的幸福(為家庭這個共同體做出貢獻)。
所以關於幸福，我們經常看得太遠，卻忽略了離自己最近的，而這種幸福，通常是免費、無價的。
否定心理創傷:決定論對決目的論
如果感冒了，要怎樣才會好？
一直探究是怎麼感冒的，固然沒有不對，但生病要痊癒，還是得看醫生吃藥，並靠抵抗力打敗病毒。
這邊提到的「探究怎麼感冒的」，指的就是決定論；靠著自身打敗病毒，指的就是目的論。
阿德勒否定心理創傷的存在。
又比如，有一個人從小被家暴，他長大後因而經常把自己關在家中，不想與別人接觸。
決定論的說法，會是「因為他從小被家暴，導致害怕與人交流」；目的論的說法會是「因為他不想出去，所以給了自己不出去的理由，至於他為什麼不出去，有可能是想獲得朋友的關注」。
「只要把不幸當成自己特別的武器，那就永遠需要這種不幸的狀態」、「人，經常決定不要改變，因為保持現在的我是比較輕鬆又安心的。」聽起來似乎非常不近人情，但又好像是如此，面對傷痛有的人可以走出，有的人一直深陷其中，關鍵可能就是在此。
所有的煩惱都來自於人際關係
「我們就算要感受孤獨，也需要其他人的存在。」
阿德勒認為，所有的煩惱都來自於人際關係。如果覺得自己很矮而自卑，那是跟其他高的人有所「比較」與「競爭」，書中哲學家以自己為例，說他雖然很矮，但卻有人跟他說，這樣反而讓人覺得他很溫暖，有親切感。
一旦人際關係軸有了競爭，那就會無法從人際關係的煩惱脫身，因為競爭代表有輸家跟贏家。書中哲學家也提到，「會在意自己長相的，只有自己」，而會在意，也是因為與比人有所比較而來。
要避免這個狀況，可以改由跟「理想中的自己」比較，只要向前跨步，離理想中的自己更近一步就好。
割捨別人的課題
割捨別人的課題，西恩認為也是這本書相當重要的觀念。
簡單來說，就是不要強迫別人滿足自己的期望，也不用為了滿足別人而活。很多的人際關係紛爭，都因為自己踩進別人的課題，或是自己的課題遭到干涉。
那要談課題的割捨，就要先分辨是誰的課題，可以從「因為這個決定而帶來的結果，最後由誰來承受？」這個問題著手。
比如一個經典的例子，孩子不認真讀書，父母通常會非常生氣。但孩子不認真讀書，以後沒辦法上理想學校因而導致的後果，其實這是孩子的課題，父母用不著強迫孩子唸書，但父母可以讓孩子知道，如果他願意讀書，父母可以給他什麼支援（資源）。
書中還提到非常特別的例子，如果有人跟你借錢，那要不要借給他，是你的課題，你可以決定要不要借他錢，但如果他借了你的錢後跑了，那則是他的課題。這讓西恩想到，有很多人因為詐騙盛行，漸漸選擇不幫助在街上乞討的人，如果有一顆想幫助他人的心，應該還是可以奉獻自己的小小愛心，至於他是不是詐騙集團，則不是我們要考慮的，我想這就是課題的分割。
那當我們漸漸有這樣的思維後，知道自己想過的生活與想的事情為何，那自然慢慢會出現自己的某些行為，因為不符合他人的期望，因而被討厭，所以書名「被討厭的勇氣」，指的就是，我們要有這個被討厭的勇氣。
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